she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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