They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
