I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
