I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
