You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
