May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
and you fell through a lawn chair
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
