i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Princesses don't give blow jobs
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
