She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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