he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Shame - the story of my life.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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