I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Soap is not a condiment
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
