DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize