I don't usually arrange sex via text message
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
