just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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