everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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