You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
