ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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