We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
