I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
