I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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