So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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