so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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