You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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