Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize