So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
