Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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