If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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