you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
