I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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