For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
