There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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