I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
