You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
