my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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