Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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