You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
