Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
