What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize