made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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