I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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