So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
