the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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