I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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