you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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