A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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