Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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