I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
