I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
