Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
