Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
