apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
