explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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