i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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