It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
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Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
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So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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