his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize