I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
