Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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