I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
