Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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