i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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