I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
