Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
