She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have grass duct taped all over my body
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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