uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
