they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
