Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
