She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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