Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
