My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
