I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
where does the pee come out of this thing
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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