just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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