You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
