and she was petting her beer can
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
