I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
