My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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