I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
