aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
