you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize